Also.

It irritates me a lot when people bond over really common and stupid things, like enjoying the smell of books. Doesn't everyone like the smell of books? I think I've yet to meet a person who has told me otherwise.

..the end.

..I wish my research paper was already done so I could actually feel my break starting, eeep.

I say this a lot, but it's really continuing to stress me out. I hate that I/so many people I know just sit around all day on the computer looking at pictures of things and thinking, "Oh, I want to do that!". It's the worst when it comes to Tumblr because people LITERALLY post pictures that say, "I want to go on an adventure!" and "I want to go out and do insert totally doable activity here!" etc etc. It just seems to me that it's SO incredibly easy to get off you ass and do something with your life. This is one thousand percent directed at me, ps. I'm so annoyed and disappointed with the way I'm treating my youth. Honestly, one day I'm going to be seventy years old and my only options for the day will be to sit around the house and watch television and nap. I'm nineteen years old, for fuck's sake, what am I doing in my room all day and night? Or doing the same, mundane activities?

I don't know where all the aggression is coming from, ha. I'm on day seven hundred of my period and the cramps have just kicked in, so excuse me for being a little angry at the universe.

So, okay. I hope the next time I'm sitting on my bed, watching episodes of Sex and the City/Friends/Seinfeld I've seen ONE THOUSAND MILLION TIMES and eating food to the point of nausea, I will read this and go out and fucking do something.

Okay, le fin. <3

It is Halloween. I baked. I made mac and cheese. I am watching Top Gear. I am wearing Minnie Mouse ears.

Oh, hello my life in a nutshell.

Womp womp.

cold ivyed eyes.

Cue the stomach ache. Cue the regret, butterflies, second guessing, groaning, over-analyzing. Mainly the groaning and the tossing and the turning, though.

In other news, researching the hell out of photography programs at different schools. I think the time has finally come for me to put my foot down and acknowledge that I won't be going to school to get a job that puts me in a cubicle five days a week.

Shmeh shmeh shmeh. I feel a food induced sickness coming over me.

Life has been a metaphor for the ocean lately. I'm either drowning in something or being consumed by waves of something. Not entirely negative, ps. Generally speaking the drowning is lovely and the waves bring about this incredible mix of feelings.



[I think I mostly like this song because it talks about Poseidon. I'm going to make Greek mythology my religion of choice.]

Lately

I've been putting the mental in sentimental. Dear God, I need to grow a pair and stop caring so much. That is all.

Thoughts not made for other eyes.

I'm sitting on my bed wearing red lipstick and a cowgirl shirt a la Rachel when she goes to the laundromat with Ross for the first time. I was attempting to have a photoshoot with myself, then remembered I don't live in the era of Myspace where self-portraits were acceptable. Hey. I really want to start having photoshoots again. Oh wait, that wasn't the point of this post. Anyway, I posted this earlier and then got nervous and deleted it the moment I got home from school but..I wrote this one million years ago and..well, there's this Sylvia Plath quote about how whenever you try to write something you down you can never capture it perfectly. Like, you always over or under dramatize it, and you never really get it right. This is an example of me being OH, so overdramatic. And silly. Most of it is silly. However. I have an urge to post it, so I shall. So judge me not. Especially the part where I whine about boys and get all pseudo-intellectual and insightful when it comes to Godard. Sigh. Should I stop apologizing? Probably.

Just kidding. Deleted again, lol.

My, my, my.

I'm becoming so predictable nowadays. My emotions are running on a cycle made up of really distinct patterns, and I don't really care for this.

And Jesus Christ, do I need to work out.

Ps, saw Bon Iver last night. I'm really happy I got the tickets so last minute because I was one million percent in the most to sit and soak in my mood via Justin Vernon.

Ps. Sigh.

This is the part of the blog post where I want to post a video to Skinny Love, but I think I have too much shame for that.

Oh wait, I don't.

Say you do.

Things that wine makes me realize:
I want OH, so desperately to have a photoshoot. I think I have a chemical deficiency from it now.
Boys have got to be the silliest critters on the planet. But also, probably the cutest. Sometimes. When they're not trying.
I want to live in a pile of books.
I wish to be Alison Harvard.
I wish I knew how to do makeup better.
Oh wait. I wish I was having a photoshoot right now.
Hmm..anything else? I need a new game to play. I wish something looked goooood. I wish Bioshock Infinite was coming out tomorrow instead of next year.

Okay, end.

Her hourglass body.

It's weird the things that make me ache sometimes.



Like this picture, for instance. I don't understand why I think this is so mental-wound inducing.



And this song. Which I don't really like and then kinda want to put on repeat at the same time. It doesn't really make a lot of sense to me.

The only thing preventing my week in Europe from absolute perfection was the lack of a kitchen to bake in and use of Netflix. If I'd had those two things, pretty sure I would have been content not coming home. And I could just ship the three humans I like over there with me and I won't ever need to return. Wah wah wah.

Memoirs of a Melodramatic

Hi, Earth. Today is July 26th and in two days I will be nineteen. I wish this wasn't such a horrifying thought and I really wish I didn't have this terrible hatred for the number nine. But I mean, eight is a really great number and eighteen kind of sucked a lot. So, you know. We'll see.

In a weird place, in a weird blog post. Bah. I'm getting really tan for no reason, it's kind of weird. I haven't listened to music in a really long time. All I want to do on my birthday is drink whiskey and smoke a cigar, even though I hate smoking, and maybe play some Mario Kart. Well. I actually want to play Street Fighter. And hang out with the five people in the world that I don't hate. And..have a cute dress to wear. Everything is really super weird right now and I want to ride the weirdness wave to the end so everything can be normal again. Well, "normal".

C'est fin, I guess.

Things that make no sense to me.

I always admire people who can retain a positive attitude about life regardless of what happens. It's really such a simple philosophy to just not worry so much, and not to take everything to heart. And I find myself thinking, "Hey, yeah! You're right random tumblr post/Facebook status! I'm just going to be happy!"

And then I get my third parking ticket in two months.

HOW IS ANYONE SUPPOSED TO KEEP UP THIS WHOLE POSITIVE ENERGY THING WHEN THINGS LIKE PARKING TICKETS EXIST? And the thing is, I know people who wouldn't let this piss them off. What in the FUCK is the secret to life? How am I supposed to lead a life where things don't irritate me and I'm not so obsessed with the way the universe is treating me? But you know, maybe all these happy people are just a facade of the person that is actually hiding underneath that vomit-inducing smile? Maybe everyone is just as negative and cynical, it's just that some of us are better actors.

Man, fuck this bullshit. I kind of just want to be happy for more than twenty seconds. Thanks, universe.

I'm running dry.

Yesterday, I came to terms with my Bellatrix Lestrange hair.
Amen.

Chasing the only meaningful memory you thought you had left.

Words floating like the vitreous humor of my brain. I need a new journal.

What am I doing. I'm looking at pretty pictures, and I'm being a girl, and I'm drinking orange juice that I for some reason squeezed myself, and I'm waiting to be able to play Kingdom Hearts, and I'm thinking about how I need to renew my passport today, and I'm wondering how silly it is that things can change so completely in a matter of thoughts and seconds, and I'm contemplating the rest of my life in vocational terms, and I'm wishing I had a job and an income, and I'm wishing my hair was always this straight, and I'm writhing in jealousy and period pains, and I'm regretting the Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie, and I'm anticipating eating the rest of the Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie, and I want everyone lovely to text me, and I want to use the word comely in a sentence and not because I forced it but because that's how my life is working out, and I'm concerned about how many different things I'm feeling in this moment, and I'm annoyed that I just reread what I've written because now I feel like everything from this sentence forth will be forced and unnatural. I feel like that period was an executive decision that I wasn't ready to make. I wish insecurities were endearing and they didn't drive people away. I wish being a girl and over analyzing and being jealous and needing copious amounts of affection and needing to be ignored and needing security and mystery all at once was something, again, endearing, and not something that can easily be retorted with, "Oh, you're just a girl. This is what girls do."

I want to continue being weird and I want it to be normal.

Je m'en fous

All I want out of life is to be Brigitte Bardot. Is this really too much to ask for? I can't express the pure irritation I'm feeling through pixelized text but believe me, there is irritation to be felt.







Pardonnez-moi as I drown in a sea of pity. <3

Snake, snake. Face out an open window.

I hate that I'm so terrible at school, but not even for real reasons. I hate that I don't feel like a productive member of society because I don't have a job and because I'm not motivated to totally excel in my schooling. I just hate feeling like everything has to follow some kind of guideline. Maybe if I knew what it was I wanted to do I would feel extra motivated, but for now I'm just going through everything like a ghost. It all seems really pointless and really high school, and there was definitely a reason I hated high school.

This is probably the cheesiest thing I will ever say in my life, but I don't give a fuck. All I want out of life is to be a good person and to kind of enjoy my time here. And if I'm going to be forced to waste my life away somewhere in order to make money and live a somewhat decent lifestyle, I would really like to already figure out what it is that would be. I'd be nice to just know what I'm good at already. I just want to live in Paris/Tokyo and wear cute clothes and be around people I like and never willingly force myself to interact with people and situations that make me miserable.

Blah. I don't know what any of that means. It's so much fun being a disoriented teenager. Meanwhile, I'm watching Empire Records and feeling a heavy dosage of 90's. And supreme jealousy because I'm not Renee Zellweger. Or Liv Tyler. Or Robin Tunney. Why is this fair?

And this song is really really really good right now.

Proceed. Amuse me.

First: I HATE DREAMS. They have the ability to turn reality into complete shit. I had a dream last night that my mother and I were looking for houses to buy, but we were in some crazy neighborhood where there were giant apartment complexes but each unit was the size of house. Also, the entire neighborhood was located on really green hills, and you had to climb all these beautiful stairs to get to each different unit. AND THE BEST PART, was that the building were all so multicolored and perfect. Like, turquoise and yellow and green and red..I guess kind of like Buenos Aires, but more French-styled buildings. And then some lady was telling my mom that her mother had passed away and she was looking to sell her house immediately for an asking price of $500. So then we go inside, and there's some silly carpet and it's super messy..but obviously we were like, uh..totally fixable. Buy it now. So we did. And then I woke up and life was not fun anymore.

Oh, and just in case you were wondering, I have a new phase coming on as far as movie watching goes. Still the 60's, but instead of existential-Godard, I'm really digging all the Swinging London stuff. They all make the time period look so cool and awesome. Trailer as proof.



Well, it's totally silly but in an enjoyable way..right?

We watched a movie called Billy Liar in my film class which is where it all began. It was pretty hilarious, which freaks me out since old movies never have non-cheesy humor. But this one didn't really seem outdated.



It's about some [really attractive] dude who pretty much lives in his imagination because he's too afraid to actually live his life in the real world. Oh hey, dreams being more interesting than reality kind of ties this post together..right? Haha.

Et maintenant, I'm going to watch Darling because it's on Netflix instant and because..why not.



Hahaha, man. I don't know. I'm aware of how ridiculous this all is, but I think that's what I like about it. The music and the trendyness is just great.

Oh and hey, speaking of the 60's, I discovered that I own Mad Man so I've been pretty into watching that lately. And by lately I mean last night. Adieu.

Enclose me in your gentle reign.

Dude, what's a blog?

I don't know why I don't write anymore but..oh well. Here I am once more with something else irrelevant to type about.

First and foremost, it would be cute if Asian fashion magazines equaled my real life.



I think my brain got on this train after a conversation I had with Nikita, but it's pretty silly how there are literally only two types of people in the world. There are the ones who think of life as, "Oh, everything is so beautiful and amazing and I'm so blessed all the time and blahdyblah," and then the humans who are way more cynical about it. Kind of like, "Oh hey, the Earth is so huge and we are so insignificant and all people are the same." Now that I've typed it out, I'm realizing that there are a few different categories in the middle somewhere but pretend that doesn't exist for the sake of this paragraph. ANYway, I guess my point in all this is that it's really annoying being the second type, because whenever anyone attempts to say something nice to me I always rationalize it in my head because, really, people pay attention to the silliest things. I guess that's what's kind of been on my mind today, and now it's what's on my blog.

Also, isn't it the worst when you listen to a song just because there's one line you really really like, and it lasts three seconds and you just want to rewind the same part over and over again? Lol, I don't know why I'm feeling so pseudo-insightful today but you can just deal. And this is kind of relevant, the title of this blog post is my favorite line in the song and I always assumed he said 'reign' because I like it better, but it could just as easily be 'rain' and I wish I could ask Jim Morrison to give me the real answer.

Eye candy to reward you for making it this far.







Fuck not having music in my car, ps. I dread driving now, it's such a miserable experience without an iPod and I totally took it for granted. Boo hoo.

blogs, clogs, dogs.

Lol, blogs.

Why was my last most me semi-not sober? That seemed like a great idea at the time, but of course it's just me being ridiculous. A post for the sake of moving on from the last one. Also, I get really paranoid anytime I think someone may have been reading this diary of a blog, so just a little disclaimer to soothe my mind. The disclaimer being..sorry you ended up here, hahah.

I want all the baking ingredients in the world so I can make all the cupcakes in the world. Is this possible?

Okay, done. I don't feel like driving without music anymore. Okay, real done.

Oh why, oh why, oh why

Why can't I just like Barbie's and other girl things?
I wish I didn't play video games sometimes. And I wish I didn't like Star Wars. I wish my favorite movie was The Notebook.

But I'm only writing these things because it's 5:58AM and I'm moderately inebriated and..wow. A little annoyed that I always end up just being 'one of the guys'.

Sorry for this little diary entry, my friends. Too much whiskey in my system for me to have shame. [Which reminds me..WHY DO I LIKE WHISKEY? Why can't I just barely tolerate vodka like a girl? Insert every sort of dissatisfied emoticon here!

Oh oh. Um, there was something else to say but I totally forgot. It's 6:02 now and I have to muster up the energy to wash my face and change. Jesus, thanks for reading this nonsense. This is the most nonsense of them all.

Things everyone really cares about.

In case someone ever says to me, "Hey, Alex. Give me some songs that you think really suit Wednesday, February 16 at 5:18 PM."


I think this is probably my favorite Beatles song. Or I'm a little biased because it came on shuffle and I thought, "Oh! I'm really in the mood for this," and then decided it was my favorite. I like the studio version better only because you can hear the harmonies much better..but aw, they're so adorable live.


Speaking of harmonies, no one reaaaaally does it better than the Beach Boys. I'm in love.


The fact that I have an entire playlist dedicated to only Cowboy Bebop should speak for itself. In my dreams I can be this cool with my harmonica. Hey, when did I decided that I was going to have a commentary for all these videos? Also, I'm really amused that I'm doing this because every other tab open right now involves school, ha. I'm definitely supposed to be finding things to fill my schedule. Uhh..this is more important, right?

Oh dear Lord, can we also take a look at this playlist I made on May 7, 2008?

I'm pretty amused, can't pretend.

It's 5AM and I'm thinking.

I just watched Romeo + Juliet again, and I don't know why I put myself through that. Leonardo DiCaprio is the ONLY human I can watch on a screen and find myself feeling the exact same way I would if I saw my crush or whatever kissing some girl at a party. Or something else stupid like that. ANYway, of course this caused my brain to get all mushy, THUS explaining the thought process that followed.

I like to pretend I'm really cynical all the time. Well, I don't think it's pretending. I am definitely really cynical when it comes to cheesy things like love. Ugh. I can't decide if it's just that I don't believe in it, or if it's just because I think everyone else is doing it wrong. I just know so many people who claim to be 'in love' and we're all like, ten years old and it's just such a joke to me. The only teensy little beacon of hope that I have? First off, how on Earth would William Shakespeare be able to write the most dramatic and passionate expressions of love if they didn't exist to him? And for something that doesn't seem to exist, love [God, even using the word grosses me out. I picture Ewan McGreggor saying, "Love is a many splendid thing!" and I vomit.] has definitely inspired a SHIT load of great works. Actually, I think that 98% of all awesome things in this world created by awesome people were created from some sort of passionate love. Passionate love for another human? Good Lord.

See, just when I start thinking, "Wow. I'm really glad that I'm single because how annoying all of this seems," I feel like I'm missing out on a really huge part of life. Don't get me wrong, I still think it's a load of bullshit that you're going to find one person that you're, oh, so in love with and need to be with forever and ever, 'till death do us part. But..hey, I want to know what exactly it is everyone's so crazy about. What is this thing that every single human on Earth is so concerned with finding/keeping/losing/weeping?

..oh, and the cheesy, probably PMSing female in side of me wants someone to tell me how cool I am all the time. And, dammit, sometimes you just look really good naked and you want someone to appreciate it before it's the next day and you're a fat cow again.

Alright, I'll end my torturous post of nonsense here. 5:27, hm. I wonder what time I'll be up tomorrow.

On the outside, looking inside.

Any and all boys who want to get chicks should just take fashion cue's from the 60's. It's a foolproof plan, really.



Thanks, good day to you.

Postette

I wish I had a direction for this blog/my life. While the Ballad of Alexandria sounds like a great theme, I have a feeling I'm the only one who cares enough about my emotions and my emotions in such great detail.

I feel like rediscovering my camera. It's been a while since I've walked around like the good little hipster I am taking pictures of everything. I must be getting a little desperate when a Taylor Momsen music video is inspiring me.

Hmm..okay.

On était jeunes, on était fous

Ready, ready, ready.

Real life meme's are great. There's nothing to write, but I'm feeling especially cheery today for the first time in JESUS KNOWS HOW LONG, so I figured I should take advantage of it and type..or whatever.

Family Guy and Friends. That's it, that's all we need televisions for. In case you were wondering. [Which I guess isn't true, I do need me a dosage of Sex and the City..and Attack of the Show..and Top Gear..and Seinfeld. But the list ends there, dammit!]

So, in the haze of my Godard phase I was trying to think of other favorites that I have, and I remembered good ol' Vladimir Nabokov. Then I realized that the only book of his I'd ever actually read was Lolita and even though it's the greatest piece of literature in the world..can that really mean he's my favorite? So I took my hefty copy of Ada off of my bookshelf and am attempting to read it now, but it is by far the most difficult thing I have ever read in my life. What.

The internet on a good day is awesome and endlessly amusing and just fucking perfect. I guess I can post some of the things I have enjoyed today, merci a tumblr.

My life every time I set an alarm:


My life every time I have to school:


Goku is real:


Peter Griffin is real:


This was just lol worthy and whatnot:


Wait. Didn't I get a tumblr for me to post random images on? That's fine, Alex.

In human news! I think I may be kind of, maybe, not really deciding what I want to major in? It's such an incomplete thought at this time that I don't want to write it down because I know the idea will grow/change within three seconds. But I guess..basically, I would be very content with some kind of literature/language major and a minor in something production/film related..because everyone who works in entertainment makes so much money and gets to do cool shit.

Wow, I can't wait to read this in a month and wonder what I was thinking, haha.

Also, my life has been me sitting at home watching movies and internetting and reading and being alone and gross. I miss seeing people that I actually like on a daily/semi-daily/at least weekly basis. Why does everyone live to far? Booooo hoo.

Ps, the worst part of my day is when everyone comes home from school/work! Wah once more.

Oh! And tomorrow is the Chinese New Year and I want to go to Chinatown and pretend that I'm Asian, dammit! And there's some kind of ceremony thing that happens tonight at midnight, but the odds of me finding someone willing to go to Chinatown with me at midnight seem pretty slim. Merde.

This is the longest post ever, and I wish I had some pretty words or sentences to throw around, but my inspiration does not lie in text today! Lie or lay? Can I go back to school?

Oh, no, I can't. I'm still stuck in France circa 1963. Thanks.

Mi Corazon

Oh hi, taking a break from Godard/Anna Karina obsessed blog posts to return to the ever familiar Japanese street fashion obsessed blog posts. Since it's only 11:12 [Ps; wat. It definitely feels like it's three in the morning and I'm just being an insomniac again.] I think I'm going to have some kind of ambitious wardrobe overhaul so that I can force second hand stores to buy everything I own/I can actually have money to buy more clothes with/la la la, more things you don't reaally care about?

Okay, here are pictures of cute Japanese girls in cute outfits. Excuse me while I cry my jealous eyes out.
[Also, playing the don't gaf game. If I've already posted these..oh well.]








Every image courtesty of droptokyo.com. It's my favorite corner of the internet. Well, top five.

Oh wait, but I'm still obsessed with pretending it's the 1960's and I'm Anna Karina and Jean-Luc Godard is putting me in all of his movies because I'm his muse. Oops.





La la la, I'm being such a girl tonight and I don't even care. Doing my make-up and fixing my closet, and MAYBE even a facemask. Who knows? I think I deserve this after five months of BioShock, Call of Duty, Halo, Street Fighter IV, and driving a Jeep. [Okay, self.]

Oh, meanwhile:

Blog-vomit.

Okay, this is quite possibly the most bored I've been in ages. I'm pretty sure the last time I felt this nauseating combination of restless, energetic, and oh..stranded, was senior year of high school. What the hell is everyone else doing?

And even though it's already been Facebooked, this clip is my life.


[Not only because of the boredom. My life for the past month has just been a Godard-fest. And wah, Anna Karina is so cute and wears the most adorable outfits in Pierrot le Fou. And I fell in love with Jean-Paul Belmondo..again? Blah blah blah, I'm so redundant.]

Well, I wish there was something else of interest. My brain isn't making any kind of intelligent thought. I want to watch Sex and the City, will someone give me the complete seasons?

Finalment: Everyone is so irritating.

Unbirthdayish.

Well, crisis averted. Spongebob is ready.

Oh and hey, as insignificant as half-birthday's are..today is mine. Ew, how gross that I've already been eighteen for six months. Is this a practical joke?


I guess this is appropriate.

Dumb.

Nothing will ever make me more upset than when I find Spongebob season one on Netflix - instant - and then my PS3 decides, in this HOLY HOUR, to just freeze. And Netflix decides to be a douche and make my PS3 freeze. I don't even know what to do, because I need to be watching some Spongebob like..meh, now.



I saw that allegedly crazy Japanese film Audition a few hours ago! [I say allegedly because only ten minutes of the entire movie makes you feel ridiculously uncomfortable.] It's kind of funny because I was looking up Takashi Miike today! But I, of course, manage to overlook this human film and continue my research in the direction of Crow Zero..which looks pretty badass and I wish I could see it like right now. And I watched The Shining for the millionth time, too. I can't help but overlook the incredible laughfest Shelley Duval brings because, man..how do you not force yourself to like Kubrick? And blood spraying out of elevators?




Oh, and I wish I could see Spongebob right now. This is some straight up nonsense.

..so, yeah. I need to go back to school before I'm left alone with more free time.

Post-Midnight Thoughts

Even though we're all accustomed to my mindless drabble, I feel like I have to warn you anyway.

I used to think that anyone who posted anything in terms of 'literature' that they wrote on the internet [specifically, Facebook] was automatically pretentious. I wonder if people feel that way anytime they feel like their own little bubble of hobbies is being invaded by humans who feel they have the same passion? If I see someone post up their artwork, I don't give it any kind of negative thoughts, unless it's based on the work itself. I can't tell if it's because writing in itself is just always pretentious unless anonymous..or because I'm judging everyone against myself.

[Well, not that I consider myself a writer at all. I write words a lot, but that doesn't mean much. But I guess I identify with this sort of stuff more than I do with any other kind of art..I guess.]

I just got home from seeing Blue Valentine, and I can't tell how I feel about it. At first I was blinded by depression and by an extremely abrupt ending to actually like it, but it's kind of growing on me as time passes. I guess the sadness was hard to take just because it was so real, and the cute moments were too bittersweet by that point to pull you out. Marriage seems less and less appealing every moment. Not that it matters, because I'm obviously going to fall into the trap one of these days and blindly assume it's going to be different for me. Maybe it will..or maybe I'll end up like a little Lifetime movie of my own. Ho hum.

I guess I'm going to lighten the mood by reading my freshly purchased American Psycho. I finished reading The Unbearable Lightness of Being today [side note: the book was so beautifully philosophical, and then the movie turned it into some kind of occupied Europe love story. Yuck] and I think I really enjoyed it. That might mostly be due to timing. I found myself putting down the book and having to take five minutes to think to myself about how much I agreed with what was being said. What was this paragraph about? American Psycho? Yeah, okay. The only thing I miss about being thirteen and buying my books from the young adult section was that everything didn't have to be so heavy and depressing all the time. I mean, even if it's funny, it has to be cynical in order for it to be considered good or intelligent. Not that I enjoy mindless fluff, though. Good to know I'm decisive. [Sarcasm.]

I feel like typing for another hour, but then I remember that someone is maybe going to read this and is maybe going to think I'm crazy, so I guess now would be a good time. I have to wake up early [ps: early means 12:00PM] to take my placement test at community college number two, blarg.


[I think I only like this song because he says 'I'm getting lost in your curls' and that makes me feel some kind of personal attachment to it. Being a girl is not fun.]

Adieu.

I've been down so long, down don't worry me.

Self indulgence.


I was sitting on my kitchen floor for the last half an hour listening to that song on repeat. And then I realized I was sitting on my kitchen floor and decided I should get up before somebody comes home. Song? Still on repeat.

Jazz can either be really cheesy or really exactly how I'm feeling. Today, it's the latter.

Et maintenant, I'm going to bake me some cupcakes to take to a little [gothic] tea part I'm attending. I wish I had the outfit I have pictured in my head in my closet, but alas, I don't and then I remember that this is why I need to have money.

In real people news, why on Earth is there going to be a Final Fantasy XIII-2? Really, Square-Enix?

[I like how I just categorized that as real people news. Okay, Alex.]

I am imageless.

I can't even type one sentence fully without backspacing. This is nonsense, but I can't put things into words lately. Which is kind of the only thing I ever had to rely on so, this is a little scary. Once upon a time I went through a ridiculously uninspired phase, and I'm kind of back there again. I'm getting too jaded to enjoy things and I'm kind of desensitized to everything around me.

Wait, but now everything sounds depressing and I am zero percent depressed. Just a little lost. I'm over being cynical.

Wait, also..I just reread some diary entries circa Freshman/Sophomore year. OH. My God, could I have been more of an idiot? I spent all my time obsessing over these two really insignificant things..and ended up being completely unsatisfied when I could have absolutely done a few things differently and ended up where I wanted to be. Wow. But I guess the only way to grow up being a functioning human being is to have all those really irritating and stupid mistakes to grow from..I guess. Jesus, though, I don't remember being that insecure haha. How terrible high school is. Well, was. But is, in general.

Well, I'm having a little pity party with myself and my brother's ice cream birthday cake. I guess I'm also having obesity party, part II. Do I deserve a Disneyland trip for my overworked psyche?

The Usual

I don't have enough posts where I obsess over Jean-Luc Godard. [Sarcasm.] But as I sit here eating my Middle Eastern dinner at 1 in the morning watching Pierrot le Fou, I think it only appropriate to express my love.



Every single shot is just so perfect. He uses the most beautiful humans. [Jean-Paul Belmondo? UGH. Brigitte Bardot? Anna Karina? They're all perfect. Oh my God, Jean Seberg. His female casting is the epitome of make-Alex-feel-inadequate.]



The best part of Le Mepris is at the very end when Camille says [in French, of course] "Get in your Alfa, Romeo." After Jerry asks her what she thinks of him.

And now that I'm editing this post exactly 12 hours after I started writing it, I realize that this post will only ever be relevant to me? Which means I'm done. Which also means the post below this one is the one that's going to have had more thought put into it, hahah. Oh weeeelll. Enjoy some movie stills.

The greatest thing on the internet.

I PROMISE that I am in the middle of an actual human post, but it's going to take me forever and I can't let my invisible readers down!
WATCH THIS VIDEO NOW OR NEVER KNOW THE ACTUAL MEANING OF HAPPINESS.



I can die happily. SO HAPPILY NOW.

Quick ps.

Peer pressured into a tumblr. Let's see how redundant I can get.

http://alexinwonderlannd.tumblr.com/

Thoughts for a future Alex.

I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT I FINALLY BEAT BIOSHOCK.
And the three seconds of ending almost made me hate the entire experience. How can a game with such badass writing and the greatest plot twist known to Alex-kind [Would you kindly? COME ON.] have the cheesiest ending? Gah. GAH.
Oh well, I hear I get a speargun in BioShock 2. And then I get Infinite, which is not allowed to disappoint me. Not even allowed.

Nazi zombies via Call of Duty BlOps. Number one way to feel like a badass. I wish I was playing it right now, but of course my brother's been hogging the TV all day..and of course the moment he leaves..I have to leave too.

If I could be one person I would want to be Darren Aronofsky. I saw Black Swan again last night and I forgot how good it was. The last five minutes will make me cry probably for the rest of eternity. [And, I'm not a crier. I don't cry. This is a big deal.] Aw, I want to have the creativity to make movies like that.

Aronofsky is a really fun last name to pronounce.

Inadequate is the strangest word to repeat over and over again.

Tigrel spelled backwards is lergit? [10 points to any Friend's fans. I've watched so many episodes of Friend's this past week..I don't even have words for this.]

Hmm..I'm going to be stuck in so much traffic unless I leave now. Fuck it, Nazi zombies > the extra 25 minutes I'll be stuck in my car listening to my scratched Pink Floyd CD because my iPod's dead.

Thanks for listening.

Metaphorical Realism or Whatever

It was about five years ago that Kelly was presented with the question that would forever change her life. On one particular birthday, the favoritism her parents show for her twin brother was getting out of hand. In anger, she stormed out of the house, but not before her father could ask her the fateful question - "Kelly, what are you gonna do with your life?" With a voice full of confidence, she turned her head towards her parents and gave it to them straight. "I'm gonna get what I want."

With inspiration from the most inspiring, I'm going to try and figure out what it is I want. And maybe get it. I have a feeling that $300 shoes aren't too far off.

[Ps; Speaking of want - photoshoot, ice cream. Books. Longer hair, short hair, straight hair, more curly hair. What does this mean?]
[PPs; Obviously the aforementioned wants are just a shallow cover..because I don't know what I want. But I do know that I want to be successful and I want it to be because I'm doing something that I like more than I like doing other things. Oy vey.]

Rant rant rant rant rant.

Cool, being sick with the same exact flu again.
Cool, absolutely no classes available for me.
Cool cool cool cool cool cool cool fuck.