Le Mépris

Godard obsession numero deux.



Blah blah blah, I want to go to Europe and make a pretty movie.

I'm on the outside, looking inside.

I like to waste time. I enjoy it because nothing in life can ever be more than a waste of time. Being-towards-death. Depressing, but true. If a man making a six-figure salary inventing the new internet and a man making just enough for his rent, living off his paintings are equally as happy, I don't see a reason why one should be considered a more efficient human. I like to wear face masks and play video games. One day I'll be inspired to waste my time in a way that allows me to make something for myself, but doing it now would be some forced, uninspired nonsense.

Speaking of humans, why is it in our nature to always disappoint?

Blah blah blah, I don't know what to make my xbox gamertag. Being a girl sucks right now.

I saw a double-feature of The Godfather last night in some random theater, and it was legitimate. Except for the part where we left early during part II because..it's the longest movie known to man. Seriously, my heart belongs to Santino Corleone [my heart belongs to everyone, this phrase means nothing]..and shoes. I've decided they're the only things in the world worth crying over/pining over. Which leads us back to humans disappointing? Full circle, huzzah!

Oh, and I have a job at American Apparel. But weeee..don't need to talk about that.

This song.

First thing's first, I'll eat your brains.

Fake nervous.

I'm trying to find some kind of inspiring image or song, but since my nerves are absolutely man-made..this is what I want.



Done.

if you go looking for hot water, don't act shocked when you get burned a little bit.

Embracing my new existential life style. I've been pretty optimistically cynical lately, but this perspective actually makes a lot of sense to me now. It's times like these I wish I hadn't made a post about Breathless so I would be able to make a post about Breathless. You know, now that it actually pertains to something.

I woke up feeling less sick than I've felt all weekend and have been so inspired to do basically everything in the universe. Literally, everything. I don't even know where to start. I have four hundred tabs open right now and I can't stay on one for more than a second before I get excited for something else, boo. Or maybe I just want to go shopping and waste all my energy there.

What an obscure post this is turning out to be.

I can't find any inspirational picture or anything so I'll just leave this here.

AKA the reason I will never be happy in life. Him being named Leonardo was enough for me. I don't know why I have the most intense love affairs with names. I don't know why I'm still typing. Yeah, blog.

"That was me seducing you when it should have been the other way around."

Obsessed is maybe an understatement.

This was probably the best movie I've seen in forever. What is it with 2010 and the best movies ever?! I feel like I'm always the biggest critic, and then all of a sudden I get Inception [Wow, need to watch that again ASAP] and Scott Pilgrim thrown at me. Oh, yeah..and now Black Swan.

I can't even talk about it. Seriously, no words to describe how beautiful it was. BOTH my friend and I during the credits looked at each other and talked about how light headed and emotional and tense we felt, hahah. Seriously, I got a headache from focusing. I don't think I've ever been that invested in a movie. And also, they did SUCH a good job of making it creepy. Dude. Ah. And the ballet element was just so perfect. I immediately wanted to go watch the actual Swan Lake..even though it won't have crazy, hallucinating Natalie Portman in it.



Oh, PS of this list, I vote deliciate. I dare you to find a more adorable word.

Excuse me while I go pirate some music now. And, Goddammit, while I find my DS charger so I can play Soul Silver.

I don't want a title.

Obvious sigh.



I think I have to lay In Rainbows to rest pretty soon, otherwise I'll never be able to listen to it a-gain.

now that you feel it, you don't.

Cute cute cute cute cute. Christopher Robin should have been cast as Han Solo in the first place.

It's 1 degree in my house, aka too cold to sleep so I thought I would be productive and watch the episodes of DBZ with Future Trunks. <3 I don't think I'll ever forgive Akira Toriyama for making him the ultimate dude of badassery in the future, and seriously, even as a little kid, and then a making him a c o m pl e t e wuss in GT. Except..Akira Toriyama totally didn't do GT so I guess everything makes sense. [Except for this paragraph.]

Now I'm going to be productive by playing Soul Silver, woooho. Gold and Silver were the only Pokemon games I never played and of course they're supposed to be the best ones. -___- Good. But ladeda, better late than never?

Ps, the best way EVER to waste twelve dollars is to go watch The Warrior's Way. Actually, it almost wasn't a waste because I get so much enjoyment out of talking about how ridiculous it is. It spent maybe an hour and twenty minutes of the movie building up this really, really, really awkward romance and then when it's time for the epic battle scene it's pretty lame. Ohhh man.

Pps, I should stop listening to In Rainbows on repeat because I don't want to get sick of it. Dang it.

Mmm, that's all I got. Surprisingly, I didn't have too many words crowding my brain today. Adieu.

you eye each other as you pass; she looks back, you look back.

All I have been thinking about for the past two days is money and I would I would be doing with it if I had any, ladeda. [Hopefully that doesn't sound too greedy..I'm fantasizing about baby things here. Like..going to Little Tokyo. Having gas. Going to a flea market.]

Man, oh man, these Versus dresses make me want to cry I want them so bad.


Booo, if I only I had $3,000 dollars to spend on dresses..Lord.




omnomnomnomtoinfinity.

Ps, I want to go to yoga and I want to go to New York and I want to be able to visit my friend in Santa Monica and want want want want.
Mostly, I want to go to yoga because the Victoria's Secret fashion show made me hate my life. How are any of us normal humans supposed to compete with that? Oy vey.

Speaking of oy vey, Happy Hanukkah? I secretly want to celebrate it so I can have something to do until Christmas. [Ps, we put our tree up today, yaaay!]

Okay, that's enough rambling. Now it's time to write a five page human sexuality paper. Hu-zzah.

We got the handshake under our tongue.

I really really really really wish I could have bangs.



Happy Obese Day Off of School. <3

I hear the horses thunder down in the valley below.

Damn you, Wildfox.









Thanks for taking my dreams and turning it into a photoshoot so I can stare endlessly and hate my life. I'm attributing my extremely terrible/annoying/boring last three months to my lack of shopping. The last thing I bought was some random dress in San Francisco and before that it had been another month since I'd gotten anything..and all that had been was a pair of denim overalls. So..yeah. Lacking a little inspiration from my closet, which sucks because that's one of the easiest ways to make yourself feel better/confident. [Lolzcheese.] Mais, c'est vrai.

I have to somehow get a job but aahh, I don't actually want to have a job..it sounds so terrible. It's not because I'm lazy, cross my heart, I just don't want to do the interviews and have to deal with the possibility of rejection, boooo. One day when I'm living in a box I'll get over it, though.

On an accomplished note, I did manage to read! I finished Cat's Cradle [after being inspired by a friend of mine] and I read The Great Gatsby, huzzah! [I missed out on the normal human reading time somewhere in my ditching class phase..oh, what? That was all of high school?] I am absolutely in love with Fitzgerald because his extreme romantic style completely caters to everything I'm in the mood for. I wish This Side of Paradise was tolerable after Amory got older..maybe I'll try again. Onto Lord of the Rings now..oy.

Hey. Scott Pilgrim is out on DVD and, GOD DAMMIT, I would very much like to see it again! But, zat is all I have for you now. Goodnight, goodnight.

but you're on to me & all over me.

Waaah, I just want to bake brownies right now. We bought four million boxes of cake mix at Target the other day, and of course they're magically missing. The cookies are here though. [Poop.]

Crisis averted, I've just found the brownies. I can't decide if I want to bake, or if I want to read. I think I do want to read but the problem is I have too much on my plate and I can't decide which of the books I'm halfway through that I'm actually in the mood to read right now. [We have Anna Karenina, but that's in the car, Lord of the Rings (Fellowship), Fight Club (have I seriously not finished that yet?), Cat's Cradle, and I'm always itching to read Lolita. Grr-uh.]

Ps, I've been listening to the girliest music today. Sara Bareille's "Gravity", which usually earns a good skip when on shuffle, is what I'm in the mood for today. Most likely because I associated it with outer space which gave it a cute meaning, God damn. Lots of Regina Spektor, too. And whenever I have non-stop eating days I feel like those are always the most female. I really really really really really really need to exercise one of these days. I hate that I need money to that [/everything].

Um, everything I love right now at this second in a nice little visual.
[Not in the mood for resizing, désolé.]









&I just want to live here, aloneish.


Ps. I wish I was taking English and Calculus and French and Japanese and Chemistry and a lot of difficult things so I can remember how to use my brain and so I don't have to sit around and do nothing. I felt like my brain was rotting in high school but I'm feeling even worse about it now, maybe?

This song is the cutest thus far so I'm picking it for posting. No judgement, dudez.

watch your heartache drip, can't keep away.

Nothing of any interest.

I am getting sick, my phone is dead, and I watched Breathless again. Taking a break right now from my four thousandth reading of Lolita. Seriously though, I can't seem to actually like books I read ever since I've been loving Lolita. Thanks, Sire Nabokov.

I want to go to France. And I want Jean-Paul Belmondo clone.

GOODNIGHT. Sorry for lack of images. <3

there ain't no romance around here.

Hi, was this editorial taken directly from my brain images?




I can't deny it, that's the mood in a nutshell.

I want a job because..I want money to travel. Mainly to Paris, because everyone is so put together, and Japan, because everyone is way too cool for their own good.


[Even though this image may be a Korean girl group..I can't remember. Whatever, still awesome.]

Oh, we can throw in London. This girl is like, four and already exponentially cooler than I can ever dream to be. What is this.



Sigh. I should probably go revise my Astronomy midterm so I don't fail my first semester of [community] college. I actually am a little bit worried about my philosophy class..but..I don't have the energy to even talk about it.

Doldromming.

Leave it to me to be sick/moody/over feminine on Halloween weekend. I went to Disneyland, aka my favorite place in the universe, yesterday for my friend's birthday and I was so lethargic and on the verge of sick the entire time I could only half enjoy it, boooo hooo. And now it's Halloween and I'm pretty sure my costume is just going to be me in my sweatpants watching stupid films. I really want to get dressed up though.

Ps, anyone else feel like it's Valentine's Day rather than Halloween?

But, let's move on from this wahfest.

There were the cutest little plushie's in the store and I just wanted to sit and cuddle with this little Alice one, baaawawawaw.


I really wish I had a Stormtrooper costume..or any costume. Or something to do. Or something interesting to talk about.

but you aren't even listening, so why should I?

Today while I was sitting around the house feeling really antsy and trying to be productive, I watched the documentary It Might Get Loud and was incredibly inspired to be in a band. It sounds OH so cheesy, but I don't even care. I feel like there's really nothing more influential in this world than music and I should probably give it back some of what it's given me.

Oh, the cheesefest that is this blog. Yeah, and another reason a band is the top of my things I'd like to do list..is because I want to dress up for the stage, AH. Dude. There is SERIOUSLY nothing cooler than the idea of having a stage wardrobe and being able to just be crazy and theatrical. I hope that tomorrow when it is NOT 4:32 AM I'm going to remember this feeling of extreme inspiration and still want to pursue it! [Hey, that goes for you, too, Nikita!]

So, I present to you: Band Inspiration in a Photographical Form [Kind of?].





Oh, did you hear that I'm in love with Jimmy Page for all eternity?

Oh, and for the biggest inspiration:

I wish to personify Envy Adams in everything musical I do. She's so cool, man! Our plan is to start a punk band which I am so oh oh so so ready for.


Meh, this is just the hottest picture in the universe.

Videos?



Worst quality on Earth, but this all girl J-rock band is the epitome of EXTREMELY ADORABLE and really awesome and extreme. I'd be really okay with this.

Oh, and you know what? I LIKE GREEN DAY. I decided that I stopped giving a shit about what everyone else says. I'm not talking about any of that 21 Guns bullshit, but I dig Longview and I REALLY dig Hitchin' a Ride, and FUCK YOU. Everyone is an indie hater.



Someone buy me a bass and a drum set and an amp and I guess an electric guitar while we're at it. Oh and also, someone give me three hundred dollars. Or at least one hundred so I can go on a fun big bear trip/go to Knott's Scary Farm. WAH.

Shall I stop typing now? Probably. Good day, captain.

bright are the stars that shine, dark is the sky [aka cheesefest]

4 AM seems to be my prime blogging time. I'm so excited to take my 20 question Human Sexuality midterm tomorrow.

I wish it was 1976. I don't think I have any kind of legitimate thought process right now, only emotions. Rawr rawr females.



And in a Beatles mood today for the first time since summer. Thanks, cold.


Okay, this the end. Adieu.

Ps, [why do I always need to add something at the end?] I feel like I should take a vow of silence for a day [or twenty minutes] just to see if this is even possible, haha. Or become vegetarian.

And the iceman cometh, Sander baby.

If I were to make a list of all the extremely productive things I did today instead of studying for Astronomy..this post would be too long. 2:41 AM doesn't stop me, by the way. This blog post is serving as just another medium for me to not be scientific.

Currently, I'm being fourteen again and watching Fruits Basket.

My biggest dilemma's of the moment seem to be:
a.) What am I supposed to be for Halloween? I secretly want to be Sailor Mars but I don't know if I have the means/energy to actually put a costume together? And while watching Star Wars the other day I got inspired to do some kind of cute Stormtrooper business..but I don't know if that's going to work either. Poop.



b.) What am I going to do with my life? But even now, this question is so on the bottom of my thought totem pole. Ps, number one is the extreme twist I just reached in BioShock. So many kinds of betrayed right now! And I wish I didn't have school/a life so I could just finish it and figure everything out already.

So, super lol at the Urban Outfitter's job fair I'll be attending on Wednesday. The only good thing about working there would be the 40% off discount. Retail is just so unappealing to me, regardless of how much I like clothing. Then again..I think I'm too lazy to find any kind of job appealing.

Ps, I want to be something for Halloween that allows me to use a gun as a prop. That is my only pre-requisite at this point.

And, finally, I saw Harold and Maude for the first time today and my soft-spot for any males with spider legs continues. Maybe this is just me subconsciously making up for my dwarf legs, hmmm.



Last ps of the night! Where's all the appreciation for Kirsten Dunst out there?



There's this issue of Lula that she guest-edited for a million years ago, and her editorial in it makes me want to die. I have the picture somewhere, so I'm sure I'll do a post on it at some kind of decent hour.

I'll end my ramblings now, I guess. Bon nuit!

Forget about your house of cards

4 AM blogging just for the sake of doing it.



There is no other song I'd rather listen to at night, baaah. Why is it so good?

PS, photoshoot with Raffi today, yay.





I would post more, but I left my camera in the car! Waaah. So expect a non-4 AM edit of this post tomorrow? Even though I have to wake up at nine for a bridal shower, eff it all. [Non-4 am edit confirmed and handled.]

Oh, we watched the film Breathless in my philosophy & cinema class and I loved it so much! I wish Michel was a real human and in love with me, ha. But hormones aside, it was beautiful beautiful beautiful.



Ps, I wish I hadn't missed Cowboy Bebop tonight! I'm in the mood to be a space cowboy. But today was awesome so I guess it's fine. [Maybe pictures of there tomorrow too? What's the procedure, do I delete this when I actually edit the post? Haha, fml.]

Hey. Shit.



Oh and, a very merry 10/10/10 to all my listeners.

Technologic.

It is an extreme curse as well as a blessing to be living in an era so engulfed with such streamlined technology. Or maybe only a curse for those of us unfortunate enough who are a.) actually really into these kinds of things and, also, b.) not rich enough to ACTUALLY experience it. Warning, this post is going to be totally fueled by a hatred I have for a particular cellphone I'm going to be stuck with for a month.



This is the bane of existence. It's called the Samsung SCH-u740, which doesn't make a difference to anyone. [Just a side note, if you're like me and are an extreme snob when it's comes to cellphones, anything that doesn't have a cool trendy name is going to be a plastic, outdated..well, piece of shit?] Listen. My hands are tiny and it is LITERALLY impossible for me to push the 'p' button on this phone. And also, anyone who types at a WPM speed of..you know, 5 will want to commit suicide. Instantly. Gah.

In three years when I want to reminisce on my blogger days and reread this post, I have no doubt that I'm absolutely going to hate myself for being so spoiled, but it's really fine with me. In a world filled with expensive sports cars and mansions and $1,000 designer bags..is a Droid 2 really too much for a girl to ask for? ]:


Ps, don't even get me started on the Droid 2 R2D2. Oh, Lord.

WELL POOP. Putting my anguish on hold for a minute, here are some pikachu's from a recent adventure to Descanso Gardens Nikita and I took!













I guess that would be all. See you, Space cowboy.



WAITPS: BioShock is my reason for existing, I predict, during the month of October. I don't mind that I'm three years late. ONWARD, my plasmids are tingling.