Sunday, December 2, 2012

In the midst of a research paper breakdown

Or, how Alex is completely avoiding the writing process.
Research papers are so hum-drum, and so drained of emotion and creativity so I can't bring myself to actually sit down and git 'er done. This one is actually supposed to be on "passionate topics" aka human rights violations but, dear L O R D. I feel it would be a better use of my time to sit here and look at inspiration things. [Inspiration thing of the moment: Yoshitaka Amano. He did the concept art for most of the Final Fantasy games, and his work is so ethereal and wonderful. Ps, I decided recently that I want to learn to draw/paint/art! Just for my own (doodling) benefit.]

The worst part is that I know I will, eventually, soon, have to sit and start typing my life away to parenthetical citations. 11:19PM is soon going to turn into 2AM and I do really want to sleep eventually. Just not now, because The Holiday is on tv.

Also, I want to beat Super Meat Boy. And play other games. And bake cupcakes. And plan birthday's that are coming up in two days. And do arts and crafts. And. Etc.

Okay fine. I guess I'll actually go type something that's beneficial to my a bit.

Tea, anyone?

Monday, October 15, 2012

Everyone else is doing amazing things and I'm just sitting on my bed watching tv. I can't even will myself to get up and do the mundane and necessary things. I've been singing the same tune for quite some time now, does this ever change?

Monday, October 1, 2012

Such good feelings, and I don't want to spoil it with words! Hard to say things to people without ruining the *~~^m A g I c^~~*. I want to decorate a house. I want to live on the little island that Kiki lives on. I want my essay to be over and done with. I want to go to the beach tomorrow.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

I don't like temporary, nothing horrifies me more than temporary. Be brave enough to say forever or not at all. Realize that things can grow within themselves and that it isn't always necessary to breathe and begin again. In all aspects of life. Going into anything with an end in sight is the most potent way to ensure that you get nothing from the experience. You don't dive into the water with the intentions of coming out dry. If it's not what you want in the beginning, it's not what you're going to want at any point in time. Stop falling half-heartedly into everything.

Friday, August 31, 2012

the art of falling and laughing

I had crazy dreams last night (as usual). Waking up without being able to go back to sleep because the music in my head was too loud is not good when you're tired. Blah.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Hey, world! I start school in a handful of days and by George, I want to go out and look cute and wear makeup before that fateful/dreadful temporary end to my social life. How dare America play the mother role and tell me where I'm not allowed to hang out just based on my age. Pish posh. Life is so trivial. I wish I was Daenerys and instead of worrying about college and careers I was worrying about taking back the Kingdom that rightfully belonged to my family and about raising those three dragons I just hatched. In a fire. That I came out of completely unscathed. Fuck.

Friday, June 29, 2012

walk on water

Ho hum. I shouldn't expose myself to such girly/nostalgic/cheesy things, because it is a foolproof concoction to make me feel vulnerable, unsatisfied and in dire need of the wahmbulance. Relating to Hachi when you just want to live the life of Nana is essentially the most tragic thing about being a woman. Sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh. I wonder what it's like to feel secure and not angsty and not young. Or who knows, maybe I'm right about everything and you're the one who has the emotional capacity of a garden snake. For reasons unknown, I'm totally feeling this Kingdom Hearts theme way more than I think necessary for anyone. These lyrics would totally go in my AIM profile. Also, this a good remix to a song by a band that I think I really like. If I've liked every single they've released, maybe it's time to download the album?

Thursday, May 10, 2012

over & over

I really don't like sleeping alone anymore. I'm too spoiled.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

I hate my job. I hate school. I feel like I'm in high school again which is a truly terrible thing because high school was a miserable time.
I just want to take a nap for two weeks straight.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Blah. I've been feeling weird and lonely for the past two weeks. Something about this work-school-bed cycle is just not doing much for me. All I want to do today is eat Lucky Charms [oh, dear lord I want them more than I want to breathe] and watch Dragonball Z/Spongebob/The Princess Bride. I juuuuust don't really feel like doing it alone. I don't know what it is about doing mundane, boring activities that I could EASILY and probably more conveniently do alone being something much more significant when done with someone else.

Meeeeh, annoying post. It's just been so long since I've gone out or done anything that made me feel good about myself. It's never really healthy for anyone to go too long in that direction.

Happy St. Patrick's [I wish it was Leif Erickson] day. <3

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Most people have real ambitions. All I want to do is go to Disneyland and eat Lucky Charms and bake cupcakes. Lame.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

First job ever and I started it off with a 9 hour shift. Lol.

Here's to money.

Ps my only desire is to be on the Peter Pan ride right now.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Oh, didn't see you there.

My recent blog posts look like they came straight out of Seventeen Magazine. Yech.

Monday, February 13, 2012

uno mas

I lied, I feel like making a ranty Valentine's post.

For starters, I care about this holiday as much as I care about President's Day or any other random holiday in the year that serves no purpose other than a.) getting you out of school early or b.) providing you with an occasion to dress up.

I guess the reason Valentine's is a step above President's Day is because it gives me an excuse to bake and pretend I'm a kitchen goddess. Which I'm not..but I love pretending to be.

ANNYway. I can tell you what tomorrow isn't meant to be, and that's a day to hate on yourself and be depressed and whiny and make the wahmbulance work overtime. No need for that nonsense. Since when does love have to mean romance? I hate the idea of someone having to search high and low for a date just because they feel like it's the right thing to do. Don't happen to have a date this year? Awesome, call up your mom and go grab dinner with her! Get in touch with your best friend[s] and eat shitty food! Buy doggie treats for your puppy! Really, why would anyone turn down a day entirely dedicated to being a fucking cheeseball and telling all the wonderful, perfect, amazing people in your life that you absolutely don't deserve to have around you that they're the shit? This isn't the 15th century anymore, chicks are not getting married at the age of 13. People stay single and it's unrealistic and annoying to set yourself up for these ridiculous standards. Maybe February 14th isn't a good day for you to go on a date! It's a Tuesday, for godsake.

Gah. I guess I can't hate too much, I know I was a 14-year-old desperate for all this bullshit once upon a time.

Side note, I really want to go buy cheesy, 3rd grade Valentine's cards. That might have to happen.

In conclusion, fuck the man, do your thing, don't hate your life, AND ENJOY THE SHIT OUT OF THIS UPCOMING VALENTUESDAY.


How does anyone get inspired without music?

It's funny how I can be brought out of my creative droughts by downloading a few new songs. [A few, meaning a bunch of albums for a decent amount of artists, haha.] BUT SERIOUSLY. I'm not even doing anything, but I feel extra motivated and not as depressed and dumpy as I had previously felt. Even if all I get out of this is my class schedule chart/college transfer courses list..that's more than I would have done otherwise.

Man, and it also has this way of making the future seem much less intimidating. Maybe it's because it brings you into the moment or something cheesy like that and allows you to just..melt into yourself. I am in desperate need of a working CD player/iPod converter in my vehicle. Oh wait..maybe I should focus on getting just getting said vehicle to run. [Boo, you Jeep.]

Things people need to bestow upon me for no reason:
A job!
A ticket to Coachella!
I would even settle for a reasonably priced ticket to Coachella!
A plane ticket to anywhere!

Oh, speaking of plane tickets! I think I've made the fateful decision to sell my EDC ticket [lol, I was going to EDC] in order to be able to use the money I make on something more useful. I could literally buy a round trip ticket to New York with all that extra cash sooo..I'm thinking it may perhaps be more useful.

What else can I bore you with? In typical Alex fashion, I have four books sitting next to me that I need to read..and of course I can't decide which one to pick first. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, so I can see the movie? Tender is the Night, because I have to return it to the library at some point? Dune, because I've been wanting to read it forever? A Clash of Kings, because A Song of Ice and Fire is my new fucking favorite thing on the planet? Wait, but seriously..if you haven't thrown yourself into this whole Game of Thrones thing, you REALLY need to do so. Immediately.

Hm, and I guess since it's Valentine's Eve I've obligated to make some sort of obligatory down with love comment. Man, I don't think I actually give two shits about this holiday. I used to just think it was because I was bitter, but I don't even have a reason to be bitter this year and I still think it's useless.

Okay, I could honestly keep typing forever but I've said AB-solutely nothing interesting or even remotely inspiring or worthwhile. I guess my fingers were in the mood to type..and I was in the mood to talk about insignificant areas of my life.

Happy Monday, mes enfants.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Meep meep meep.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

So, I think I've figured out the major flaw in my whole..I don't know, 'finding my place in the universe' crazy plan. I'm stressing myself out focusing on trying to figure out long term goals for myself, things that won't start having meaning for at least another year. I've hereby decided to start focusing on just small term goals. For example, my current plan is to eat healthier and actually get my lazy butt off the couch, even if it's just for a little half hour walk. Step one in accepting myself as a real human and liking myself is to give myself a body I don't hate on constantly, right? Right. After this little project I'll find something else to do..but I think I've figured out that's all about moderation and not trying to shove myself into a fifty year plan. Doing that only makes me depressed, angry, and unmotivated.

Okay, yay. Silly, motivational, awkwardly written blog post done.

Ps I love Radiohead foreverevereverever.

Friday, January 13, 2012

The 13th, Friday.

I am such a cheeseball in my jeans and farmer boy shirt and bottled coke and Creedence Clearwater Revival.

Side note, fuck you Coachella for being such a stressfest and leading me straight to the arms of KFC popcorn chicken. You cruel, cruel harlot.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

What could come of it.

Okay, blog. I have nothing to say but you're staring me in the eyeballs and it' intimidating, so I'm going to succumb to your peer pressure.

I think that I really want a sewing machine/to learn to sew. Kind of a useful skill, right? Also, I want to do something cool. Sitting in my bedroom for three days doing nothing doesn't quite fit the bill. Meh. Also, I can't even remember the last time I purchased a new piece of clothing. I think it might have been months ago..oh wait. Actually, I bought something last weekend. Oh well.

See? Nothing interesting. I've yet to move forward in a very long time. Sometimes I'm worried I'll be the same person for the rest of my life.