Afterthought.

All I really really really really really really truly want to do is go to Japan.

There once was a boy from Nantucket.

In the last dwindling minutes of a party, some random fellow tried to strike up a conversation with me by asking what my biggest insecurities are. He kept insisting that it was the perfect time for me to divulge this information, because I would never see him again. In his mind, I guess, it made sense to share such a giant secret with someone I didn't know because it didn't matter what he thought, or if he judged me because..it wouldn't impact my life at all. The weird thing is, I find quite the opposite to be true. What's the point of letting out tiny, intimate details of my life to someone I will never have any sort of connection or friendship with? It just seems like a waste of time, and someone needs to teach that boy how to cut out the bullshit.

In other news, I've spent the last twenty or so hours over-analyzing the word wonderful.

Anyway. I've learned lately that it's very comforting to know that when thrown into a room full of people, there's always going to be at least one person you connect with. Imagine how many people there are on this planet that you would completely and comfortably get along with.

Aside from my teenage girl musings, I officially bought a ticket to Hawaii yesterday. I don't know how magical it's going to be, but I am very excited to escape to another world for a week.

Everyone else can do really impressive things, I wish I could find my niche already and be able to bring something to the table apart from admiration.

Oh my Lord, I do not have time to play all the games on my plate. [+read the books, do the schoolwork, live the life. Fak.]

Dear diary.

I don't know if there's a more eloquent way to say it, so I feel like a blob. I don't even have much going on, but I feel like I just need to stop and go away. It's so lame to say that you want to go 'find yourself' but for the first moment in my life I think I actually understand what it feels like to need that. How much longer can I float around in limbo until I get sick of myself [note: already happened]. I hate that I exude this wishywashyness, and I want to be grounded in who I am. [I know, I know. It's really cheesy. But just, bear with me.] I need to interact with people who know who they are, and maybe then it'll rub off on me a little bit. Too many people I know are too content with just getting by, but I cannot do it. I cannot just float through school like a ghost, not getting any joy out of it, or continue to go to this meaningless job where I don't serve any purpose and people just constantly talk down to me. I want to make things for myself. But I don't know what or how or why and I just want to explode from all this stress. I feel so stressed out. All the time. In traffic. In my house. On the computer. Waiting for class to end. Procrastinating on essays.

Ugh, and I'm so irritated by how sappy and spineless this all is. Hemingway would be very disappointed in me. I mean. I'm also not a man so he wouldn't give a shit either way. Also he's dead literary figure, so that's also irrelevant. Blah.

What to do.

Alright. After the pig-out fest that was this weekend, I'm allowing myself THREE more mini donuts this morning and theN I'm going to stop eating junk. And start working out. Also I'm going to learn how to crochet so I can make those cute plushie amigurumi dolls. And I'm going to learn how to program skins onto my desktop. And I'm totally going to write my paper that's due tomorrow which I forgot about a little bit. So it is written, and so it shall be. [Right?]

This video describes how fun and creative I want my whole life to be.

I had a feeling for a moment, but it was much more fleeting than I had anticipated so, I don't know what exactly to compose.
I would go to clubs if they were all jazz clubs.
I've spent my first day off in a million playing Pokemon Black. I want to be a trainer when I grow up.
There's a beer in my fridge and I would like to drink it.
Wow, this is the most uninspired block of text in the history of time.
But I can't help it, I've got nothing to say but a need to speak.